...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
