hell yes lets make some ravioli
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
