My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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