well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
