I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
