just survived the first fart of the relationship.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
