i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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