Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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