she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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