It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
