Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
