running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
