I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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