I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
