Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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