i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
