So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
