Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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