I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
