Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Randomize
