heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
