I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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