Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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