Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
