Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
