So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
