he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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