When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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