K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize