no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
