Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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