I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
