At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
