Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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