Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
