there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
