Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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