Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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