yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
