There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
