I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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