Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
