I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
