keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize