I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.