Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual