I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
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That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart