Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
