We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
