u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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