I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
