Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
