I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
