TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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