in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
