The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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