he wants to bone in the snuggie
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
