k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
