It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
