Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
