ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
