Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
