I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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