I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
