there's paper in my vomit.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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