I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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