You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
