Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
