so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
